some people will sell any old crap.. (this is surreal though) sara you'll love this! LOL

Okay so first let me start by telling you about my crazy horrible day. Well, come to think of it, it actually begins a couple days ago.
My 5 year old foster daughter has had some strange stomach bug going around school since Thursday. I decided to keep her home yesterday. She spent a majority of the day laying on the couch watching old Woody Woodpecker cartoons and having her every need met by her personal nursemaid. (me) While I tried to lose myself on the Internet last night, she fell asleep in my bed. Which was fine with me because I was really enjoying something I was engaged with at the time. So, around 2 a.m. I decided it was time to bring her to her own bedroom so I could slip into my bed and have a little much needed solo fun. I am on the brink of the best orgasm and I hear this screaming and gagging noises coming from the other end of the hallway. I quickly throw on my bathrobe because I am only wearing a tiny tank top and can't seem to find my panties in the dark. LOL
So I make it to her room and Regan McNeil from the Exorcist is standing on her bed, projectile vomiting. I was seriously waiting for this child's head to spin around. Now I must say, I am one of those people that just can't handle puke. I usually gag just hearing someone vomiting.
So after dropping a vomit bucket in her room, I am desperately searching for medicine to make this stop happening. Thank you pepto! By the time I was done washing sheets and towels and steam cleaning the carpet in her room, she had peacefully gone back to sleep. AMAZING!
By the time I am done taking a shower it's sometime after 4 a.m. and I can barely keep my eyelids open. Guess my solo sex will have to wait.
On to today.. So the baby wakes me up at 6:30ish. My head was pounding and holy shit was I freakin cranky! I run downstairs and grabbed a box of Honey nut Kix and brought the entire thing back, baby gated the stairs and plopped her on the floor of the playroom and turned on Noggin. I then crawled back into my bed that was now occupied by my 3 dogs and a couple of the cats. I picked a small corner and burrowed under my covers. An hour later, I was woken up by all 3 kids who wanted me to make them breakfast.
I didn't realize how much your body can't handle no sleep as an adult until this morning! God, I miss my 20's. The days when I could party all night and go straight to work still drunk off my ass. LOL
So it's pouring here today and kids are loud and going a bit stir crazy from being trapped in the house and dogs are really annoying. Otis, the bulldog is kind of a dick. He has this thing about rain. He refuses to walk out in the grass to go to the bathroom if the grass is wet. This mother fucker took a shit on my patio! It was fucking gross! So here I am hosing my patio off in the pouring rain and I just want to run away from home.
I decide to leave everyone downstairs in the den except for the baby and I retreat to my PC for some much needed fun and exploring. I check out D-listed and what do I find?? This.. http://turdtwister.com/
All I thought about was Sara and her pee pee contraption. LOL Who thinks of this shit? (no pun intended) What would possess a human to invent this?

Sorry it took me so long to get to the point. Just wanted to paint you all a picture so you can all feel better about your lives today. =)